I Want to Be Your Fantasy Girl

Hours ago, while massaging my limp muscle into a tight, ripped pole, I conceived of a way to manifest my latent, repressed, unrealistic urge to be the target of a man's female fantasy.

This is what I want. IM me with the name of a woman you'd like me to portray over Yahoo! Messenger. If it strikes my fancy, I'll agree to it.

THIS IS NOT SOME LONG-WINDED ROLEPLAY. I do not want six pages of descriptions that'll take thirty minutes to just "set the mood." While it may mature into an hour-or-longer session, it shouldn't be expected to be. My dwindling attention span combined with my disdain to channel my inner Edith Wharton necessitates simplicity.

Once we've agreed on a woman, I want you to IM me as the person. For example, if I were playing Lauren Frost, you'd type, "Hi Lauren," or something to that extent. Also, we're not roleplaying in the sense that we're writing a story that's set elsewhere.

The story is basic. You're you. I'm your fantasy girl. And you're chatting with your fantasy girl over Yahoo! Messenger. Compliment me. Flirt with me. Tell me that you're... gosh... touching yourself to me. Be your geeky, socially inept self — stumble with your words if you have to. For a short time, the most beautiful girl in the world is chatting with you. Allow her (or rather me as her) to deflower you.

Yahoo! ID: ddstasiak

Breaking Like the Wind

I sleep on a pillow of rejection and lubricate my penis with regret. TITS. ASS. As you can probably conclude by my previous comment, today splendidly bestowed its best of fortune on me. TITS. BIG COCK. Thus, in an effort to salvage what's left of my ego, I uploaded a video of women farting.

It's safe to say that there's not much left of my ego.

The seeds of my farting fascination were planted in high school when I harbored a crush on a girl named Lindsay. BIG PUSSY. I kept our discussions short. So short, in fact, that we never had any, and our interaction consisted mostly of me drooling at her in gym class when I'd run behind her, ogling her twin-set, queen sized ASS.

I'd masturbate upon returning home, and, me being a typical teenager with her unhealthy eating patterns, would have my scheduled wank-off interrupted by an unscheduled emission of gas. "What if," I pondered as I rubbed my penis over her yearbook photo, "she farted during intercourse?"

Anything that emitted from THAT couldn't be all that bad.

Farting porn is a bit of a mixed bag. It's either simplistically erotic (like the above montage) or condescendingly boring. ASS. COCK. One circulated video contains the "Farting Twins," two grotesquely unattractive women of varying waist-sizes doing the deed, but sarcastically adding rubbish like "Oh my God that smells soooo good. I just can't get enough of your farts. Eat more fiber."

A year ago, a homemade video of a man shooting his girlfriend's gas passes wound up on Ebaumsworld.com. BIG PUSSY. She shields her mug through most of it, her panties remain on, and her boyfriend's cackle distracts from her sweet hisses, but it's worth sniffing around.



FartFantasy.net took porn-star-quality models (well, some of them). It's a step-up from the typical obesity recruited for these projects. (If you're poor and refuse to splurge on the membership fee, you can see some select clips on XVIDEO.COM.

Thanks to South Park, the most infamous and widely known fart genre is that of the Brazilian fashion. Us ass-sniffers took pride in relishing in the foreign, below-the-counter fetish, which up until about a year ago, (of which you can sample here) made up a hefty portion of jerk material for aficionados of bowel-blowers. Now, it's just a joke from South Park. Nonetheless, the acting (even if it's in another language) comes off as genuine, and the teary-eyed reactions as the exhaust shooting from the backdoor cavity shines with credibility.

I still feel like shit. Go figure. COCK.